Coursing Earth Energy

Today I worked with this lady who is a pantheist, though she wouldn't call herself that necessarily. She believes in an organic world where everyone's spirits are connected. She says things like the spirit leads her to make certain decisions. She doesn't plan anything in her life, she just follows the spirit.

However by spirit she doesn't mean God. She says the spirit is like an energy that courses through all of life. We are all god. It doesn't matter to her who created it all. She says, "I don't need to know who an artist is in order to appreciate the art. I just accept that it exists and I enjoy it."

After our conversation, I thought about that statement though. I think you can better appreciate and understand the art if you know the artist. When I go to the Getty, I certainly appreciate the beauty of the art but I cannot enjoy it as much as, for example, Prof. Chadwick, who has really studied the artists. He know the purpose of the art and the values the artist, etc. I love being a History and English major because I study different time periods and read the literature from those time periods and I understand it better. It becomes fuller and impacts me more.

Her philosophy really reminded me of J.D. Salinger when she said that she doesn't need to know the artist. Salinger was all about anonymity. In his short story, "De Daumier Smith's Blue Period" the main character, a boy posing as an art teacher, especially appreciated the art of a woman named "Sister Irma." She sent her art to him with no self-portrait and minimal information about herself. He admired her and found her art much more beautiful than those students who signed their art pieces and gave loads of personal information. Salinger loved an artist who made something beautiful and kept him/herself hidden. This is the kind of God my co-worker wants I think. I love this concept of a humble artist, but I must recognize that I cannot understand Salinger's art as thoroughly without knowing some things about him. His message becomes more clear because I know about him.

I do believe it is a noble goal to be humble when doing art, because all human creativity is given by God. It is a  different matter, saying God shouldn't or doesn't show himself as the artist/creator, than saying humans don't need to or shouldn't. Ultimately, I can appreciate any art as a gift that God has given to all of mankind, the gift of creativity and imaginitivity. Ultimately, whether it is human art or natural creation art, humans should praise God. A human artist should be appreciated for his/her work, but always remembering God gives humans their creative abilities.

When I studied Salinger's life, I found that his art and life are nearly indistinguishable. I think that is the nature of art. Life reflects art and art reflects life. I think we need both knowledge of the artist and his/her art to better understand the art. I don't doubt my co-worker's love and appreciation for the universe. That is common grace, however I do think that because I know God, I can appreciate it better, or at least I should. It's through special revelation (the word of God and the Spirit of God who gives me faith in the word), that I understand and appreciate general revelation (creation, which sings its artist's praise).

I told her that I am a panentheist, which means "all in God." I believe God created the universe and he is in and through all things (Acts 17:28; Eph. 4:6), the source and sustainer of life. Only God is God but everything exists only by his power. The universe depends on God's dwelling in it to exist, but the universe does not contain God. God is not bound to it.

My coworker doesn't like the idea of "God." She believes that God is man's creation, basically a societal construct. She says that she just accepts life a she sees it. She loves nature, the simplicity of the road, exploring the earth, but she says she just accepts it and goes with the energy flow, which is I think what she means when she says she follows the spirit.

It's confusing. But I don't think she cares about defining anything. She just wants to accept life but in accepting it she does construct her own beliefs. Her beliefs are very native american. She is a native, so I think it is her ideas that are her societies constructs.

I am amazed by how close she is. This conversation reminded me of Paul's sermon to the Athenians recorded in Acts 17. Basically the difference between our ideas is that she doesn't want to know the artist or the meaning. She just wants to live life and enjoy the beauty of life. She follows the energy flow, tries to stay out of the way of nature. She doesn't seem to believe humans are anything special.

She told me that she would hear the spirit talk to her in her sleep. She would wake up from the sound of someone screaming in her ear. The voice told her to leave Portland and go to New Mexico. So she started talking around, got connected with friends of friends of friends in New Mexico, moved there, got a job. She said she has been in Arizona for seven summers and she feels a sense of permanence. Everywhere else she ever lived, she felt like she was just stopping there for a while. In Arizona she feels like she has arrived.

I should have asked her how she came to believe this stuff, or how she even knows it's true. I never told her that I am a Christian. Is that bad? I thought that she would make all these assumptions about me if she knew but I admit I was a little ashamed to label myself. I was thinking on the drive home though that I should be more open about my beliefs. She was so bold and sure but also not overly aggressive. I mean she wasn't really shoving her belief down my throat. I don't think I was doing that to her either. She said she liked that we could just talk, discuss, and it wasn't like we were trying to convert each other. But that is untrue of me. I am always trying to convert people. Is that the wrong way to go about things? Maybe I should rather just say the truth and pray that the Spirit of God works.

I'm not sure if anything I said challenged her or impacted her, but I know she challenged me without knowing it. She challenged me to appreciate the universe more than I do, and to be more bold about my beliefs.

Food, Costs.

Money is god in America. This religion infests every part of our society, and the stuff we put in our bodies to sustain and energize us is no exception. I say "stuff" because we don't know where our food comes from, or how it is produced most of the time. Massive food producing corporations seek to hide their unethical business practices from the public, and keep us satisfied and silent with our cheap year round tomatoes, white chicken meat, dollar menu hamburgers and fries, and all of the other millions of products the food industry pumps out. Money is America's reason for everything. That famous biblical saying, "The love of money is the root of all evil" rings fearfully true when you look at the problems in our country.

This post is basically just my thoughts on the documentary Food Inc. that I watched recently. You can watch the film on Netflix. Directed by Robert Kenner, released in 2008, this is a film that unveils some of the well kept secrets in America's food industry, a secret that has tragic effects on our health and our environment. Whether this was the point of the movie or not, it shows how the love of money destroys life. 

The film gives many examples of unethical acts that food companies have committed while following the basics of capitalist economics. Increase production while lowering costs of production, so more people will buy and the company will increase its profits. However, another rule of economics is that nothing is free, everything comes with a cost. By lowering the monetary costs of production in order to raise monetary profits, the costs to workers, animals, consumers, and the environment have increased. The film gives many examples, and I will paraphrase some of them.

We all know Tyson chicken, the red label that you see everywhere in the meat aisle. Tyson's chickens have been genetically engineered to grow from conception to slaughter in 40 days, and since consumer's prefer white meat, these chickens are engineered to have abnormally huge breasts. Naturally, it takes three months for a chicken to grow from egg to adulthood. Their unnaturally muscular bodies combined with the rapid rate of growth, causes the chickens to be basically lame. Their bones and internal organs can't grow at the rate of their bodies' muscle and fat. Tyson also requires their farmer's to grow these chickens in windowless packed chicken coops. These animals live for a miserable 40 days and then they are slaughtered and shipped to our supermarkets for our consumption. 

Tyson not only disrespects its animals, but they have also treat their farmer's  and workers tyrannically. The men who pick up the chickens in trucks to bring them to the slaughter houses are generally Latino men, mostly undocumented workers. They feel that they have no rights, but the company likes that. They can pay them little money and the workers are easily replaceable. Tyson contracts with farmers who build poultry houses to raise chickens. The average cost to start a Tyson poultry house is about $300,000, and on top of that, every year Tyson requires farmer's to update their farms with costly new machinery. If they don't get the new machinery, they lose their contract and the investment they made would be a waste. On average, a chicken farmer contracted with Tyson will make about $18,000 a year. Farmer's are locked into contracts because of their debt, and they have no say in how their farms are run. Chickens are abused while farmers and other workers are controlled and enslaved to the company because that's how cheap meat and large profits are made. 

Another one of the leading meat producers in America is a company called Smithfeild. In the past they have advertised in Mexico, luring immigrants to their meat factory promising lots of money. They bus immigrants to their plant and work them for very low pay doing very unhealthy and disgusting work. Meat packing is one of the most dangerous industries to work in because of risks of infection, large machinery, etc. Workers are trained to do one task all day. Even with gloved hands, handing bloody pig flesh all day causes infections under the workers' finger nails so their finger nails fall off. It's disgusting work, but that's not the worst of it. Since immigration paranoia has risen in the past several years, police have been arresting about 15 of these factory workers every night. They don't arrest all of them at the same time because that would slow down the production of the factory. It's the (mostly Mexican) workers who have been slaughtering and packing your bacon for ten years who are suddenly arrested, while the company that hired them is held guiltless. Money is more important than human survival, more important than justice. 

The rich make the laws, and the poor are exploited and hammered by the law, because many of the law makers and the big business owners are the same people. Food Inc gives many examples of this. Monsanto is a seed producing company that has patented genetically engineered seeds that are resistant to pesticides. Monsanto seed buyers are required to sign a contract with the company promising not to save seeds for the next growing season, so they will have to buy new seeds every year from the company. Justice Clarence Thomas is an attorney for Monsanto as well also a supreme court justice who wrote a law that made it illegal for farmer's to save their seeds. Wendell Murphy was a North Carolina senator who also served on the board of directors at Smithfeild. Margaret Miller, chemical lab supervisor for Monsanto also worked as FDA branch chief. "Our industries are dominated by the people who are meant to be its regulators." Money dominates our laws and the hearts of our law makers. 

The film offers a typical solution, encouraging outraged viewers to remember their power as consumers and to buy local and organic. Every time we buy something, we are in a way voting for the product and giving money to the companies. It is a consumer's responsibility to vote for, or support companies that are seeking to treat animals, workers, consumers, and the environment with respect. 

I find myself outraged by companies who abuse workers, animals, and the environment and still I buy from them. I am outraged by the fact that money is god in this society, but how important is money to me too? I think we need to take some responsibility as buyers for our support of these companies, because basic economics shows us that the consumer creates the demand and producers fill that demand. We insist on buying our $2 milk, but what are the underlying costs of that to human lives, your health, etc? 

I don't think that changing what we consume will fix the entire problem because some people just can'f afford to shop organic. The fact is, in a capitalist society, money does control our lives, so I understand that sometimes our consumption is more controlled by the companies than the other way around. I also know that the deepest problem is the love of money, the fact that money in our society is more important than human lives, the environment, animals, the law, etc.

However, I still believe I can change somethings as a consumer. I have seen the power of consumers bring an organic section to grocery stores like Fry's (Ralph's), and the demand for organic food brought a Trader Joes to Prescott. I do not want to give my vote to bid business anymore. Because I have the means to change the way I consumer, my conscience tells me it is morally wrong for me to keep supporting those companies. I also really do love organic food better anyway.

Buying from local farmers and organic markets requires a change in life style for some of us. It could mean more cooking, more deliberate buying, creating a new budget, and maybe eating less. Even though some people can't do this, a lot of us can. Even if there aren't organic supermarkets where you live, like Trader Joes, Sprouts, Whole Food, etc, there are most likely farmer's markets in your city or surrounding cities. I recently found out there is a farmer's market every Friday in Prescott Valley. I plan to shop there from now on. So when you can, shop organic. 

We like cheap food because it's easy on our wallets and it often tastes good, but what about the costs for workers, our health, the environment? Is money the only thing we think of when we think of costs? It shouldn't be. We should weigh all the costs, and not let money be our only reason and our god.

Oh the Glory!

"You are my peace and solace." It's so strange how I can be so sad and yet be so blessed. I was thinking about chapel today and how we sang and everyone was holding hands in a huge circle, singing "My friends may you grow in grace." I am so thankful for everything I have at Providence. I love all the people, even those who are so fucking loud all the time when I want to sleep or do homework. In that moment, I felt so deep a love for them all. I love all these random people who I live with in this small community of believers.

In moments like chapel, I see the koininia of the Spirit. The fellowship, how we are all one, pieces of the temple, building the temple by trusting in Jesus.

"Jesus I will hide in you." We all hide in him, our dearest lover, the lover of our souls. I cried in chapel today, even though I tried not to. I am always ashamed to cry in chapel but I shouldn't be ashamed of my emotions.

All the forces of life in this fallen world try to tear us down, but we cannot be torn down. Our strength is Christ and he bears our burdens. I can be so sad about all the changes, all the loss at Providence. I want to go sing with my brothers and sisters right now. Singing frees me. I feel like Providence is how the church should be. We are all so close, I mean in a strange way, and we care about each other. We come together and sing and you feel the passion pulsing through all of us. The passion of the Spirit. I believe God smiles at our chapel services. He must cry in joy, he delights in us.

This is what we were created for. Humans were created for this communion with each other and with God. We are one in the Spirit. An unbreakable bond. Oh God, how do you delight in me? But I am thankful you do. This is my boasting in my Lord, my everything, who waters my soul.

I went for a walk today with Karolina through the neighborhoods of Pasadena. Oh the glory, the thick deep roses that are the aroma of God. The trees, the grass, the smell of wet soil, and the sun gleaming it's last light. In times like this, I stare at a flower and I am so overwhelmed by the beauty of it that I can barely breathe. Oh glory, Oh my God who molded the flowers. Creations screams of him, I cannot hide from his presence.

Oh my God, how can I thank you enough for this bittersweet world, and all the gifts I've been given. My God, you are so good and so faithful to me, and if only I saw this all the time. I can't worry, there is nothing to worry about because this God who hides me in him, who gifts me with everything good, he loves my soul. Oh my lover, my hope, I long for eternity in your midst. Let my love last longer than the flower petal morning dew, Oh make me love you steadfastly.

Heart of God

It's so incredible imagining what it would be like to be Hosea. "When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, 'Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the LORD'" (Hosea 1:2). God commands him to marry a women who will be unfaithful to him, and he does, and she is unfaithful. Then God commands Hosea to keep going back to her and keep loving her even though she doesn't love him.

They have a child together named Jezreel. Then she has a son and a daughter, named "No Mercy" and "Not My Child". The language implies that the younger two were not Hosea's children, but children from other men who his wife was having sex with. Yet Hosea takes them as his children, he adopts them and continues to love his wife.

God speaks through Hosea saying, "I will have mercy on No Mercy, and I will say to Not My People, ‘You are my people’; and he shall say, ‘You are my God’”(Hosea 2:23). Just as Hosea had taken in the children who were not his children, who were the children of whoredom, to be his, also God would love the people who had forsaken him. He would love Israel even though she was a whore. He would renew her and she would be his.

I just imagine Hosea living his life like this and realizing how hard it is to be faithful to someone who doesn't give a shit about you. Who loves you fakely, who loves at night and leaves in the morning. How he stuck with her and even loved her children. He provided for her too, giving her a home, and loving her. I just imagine how amazing and sorrowful it must have been to experience the heart of God.

I love Hosea! Another blog on Hosea to come when I finish editing it.

Silence of Being

There is no silence in which I can meditate. No silence of mind or surroundings. Sitting down to read Psalm 32, I had to always read it outloud because reading silently to myself I am distractable. What do I think about? Nothing really, I mean nothing significant. I think about the movie I just saw, or how I feel sick and want to go to bed. I think about all this random shit that doesn't matter that much. All this mundane lack of silence. My iPod and my phone keep beeping or buzzing, people talking and laughing outside my room. No silence.

But when I write, that's when my mind works. That is the only time I have control over my mind. 

Lately the theme of confession has been reoccurring in my thoughts, conversations, classes, etc. Psalm 32 says, "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away." I must acknowledge my sins before God and he will forgive them; that promise amazes me, especially when I sin repeatedly, the same way. I need to just say it. When I say it then I realize the gravity of it, especially when I say it again, every day. When I say it, I feel maybe a little more free. Silence is burdensome.

I want to find solace in silence. I wish that my thoughts would settle and I could think quietly or not think at all  without falling asleep. Whenever I try to meditate, I fall asleep. I am fascinated by the Zen Buddhist themes in J.D. Salinger's works. I want to detach myself and unlearn things and think nothing, silence in my mind. My brain is on overload sometimes, like it's spilling out of the edges, a boiling pot of water all this data no organization. I want to really know one thing well, like modern art that focuses on one idea. Or a one word poem that the deaf-mute man writes in Raise High the Roof Beam Carpenters. ("Delighted.")

I want to feel comfortable in silence. Holden Caulfield was my best friend for the few weeks I read Catcher in the Rye because we related so well. But I get the feeling that this is a common feeling among humans, the feeling of isolation and lack of placement. The reaching out with no one to grab your hand, everyone wants to be caught. If I could detach myself from the thoughts of other people. Get rid of some of the data, like what is he thinking, is this awkward, what should we talk about, are you actually interested in what I'm saying, are you listening to me, do you even like me? What time is it, I don't have money, I have to do homework, I'm tired. The overload data of meaningless thoughts.This stuff enslaves me and I'd like to unlearn it and feel the silence, soak it in, and be free in it. 

I want to be caught when I reach out. I want to feel like people understand what I'm saying. I want people to look at the details, like Jane's knights lined up on the back row. I want to be able to relate to people, and be simple. Enough of this putting on a show, everyone trying to show off who they are competition. I wish that I could be like Holden with his deaf-mute wife in the middle of nowhere content in each others company but just in a state of being. This is silence.

What does Psalm 32 mean? Silence is burdensome. That silence is a hiding fearful kind of silence. I want a being kind of silence, which frees. "You are a hiding place for me." It is in God I find myself when I hide in him, and in God I find the silence of being. There is no worry of him being dissatisfied or bored with who I am. There is no nervousness that he is judging me or that he feels awkward and would rather be somewhere else. He chose me. I am caught in him.