Monday, October 17, 2011

Grey Room

Mexican music and a heavy heart
Slits of light through the blinds
In a dark room. Contradict.

Mess of mind mess of time mess
Puzzle pieces shroud the floor
Grey paint splattered your heart

There’s deceit in the corners
Of every little space here
Trust in every little wrong thing

The beat of music contradicts
The beat of sullen hearts
To trust? I refuse it.

Deceit is the demise of me
The vagueness of the shadows
In the room. I distrust.

Sunday, October 16, 2011


Remember that time on the beach when we jumped around, ran up and down the shoreline. Oh God. You know how we screamed, GOD IS EVERYTHING. LIFE IS FUCK BUT GOD IS EVERYTHING! Oh beautiful life. Oh God, you remember the drunken silliness. The Devil can do us no harm. You know how your songbird ran around, slapping his ass, saying Kiss it devil kiss it but you know you can’t! The Devil can’t endure scorn. But how easily is that forgotten. How easy it is to forget that God is everything, and we have everything because we have him and we are in him and he is in us. I can’t think of anything more beautiful than that. But that’s because all the beauty we see comes from him. And I could cry and laugh and die and sing because there is nothing more beautiful than that one fact, that brings all facts together. That story of all stories. My mind can’t contain it.

I Don't Know.

I honestly think that everyone is insane, and some people are just better at hiding it.
I really don't know for sure. The more I know the less sure I am.
I am constantly doubtful. It's easy to think you're crazy I think.
If I focused on reality and existence and lost memories too much I'd go crazy.
I get really convicted about something and then I can't talk. or write.
I can't express the things I know, and when I do,
There's always something someone can say to say I'm not right.
I think I block out the questions that haunt me.
Maybe I'm dishonest with myself, maybe not.

The only thing I know is God is everything.

Monday, October 3, 2011

It's Only a Matter of Time, and We'll All Be Better Off

I am infuriated by all the stores lining Hollywood Blvd where teenagers spend a minute amount of their Daddy's paycheck buying $300 dresses at BCBG in the Hollywood and Highland shopping center. On those same streets, the homeless sleep in ragged blankets, Hollywood stars as their pillows.

These homeless who ask us for change in the subway, whom we pass off as lazy drug addicts. The same homeless whom we look at with disgust, smelling the piss and sweat on their clothes and hair.

On those same streets we eagerly spend $30 on a shirt, that was probably made in India in about 3 minutes, costing the corporation about 14 cents to make.

I am infuriated by my own hypocrisy.

I am the one who spends my meager paycheck on Forever 21 clothes that I will soon dislikes come the next trend in fashion. But the lights, the smell, the softness of the material appeal to my desire to be significant. To be luxurious. I walk past the trumpet playing hobos on Colorado Blvd, avoiding eye-contact.

Can we blame our condition on hard work? Does that mean they are lazy? Can we say that it is easy for a smelly man, with an overgrown beard, and no phone number or address to get a job in this time? But we assume he got their because of his own mistakes.

What if he did get their because of his own mistakes? Do we have no mercy?

But I want my pretty dresses and sweaters, my $5 coffee and cigarettes, more than I want to stop and talk and maybe give him my spare $20.

I am infuriated by the gap between the rich and the poor. The hyper luxury market that is booming, while dollar stores are also booming. That some people are collecting bottles and cans out of trash cans to make five cents off of them, while some are spending $100s every weekend to get wasted and leave the bottles in the streets.

I am infuriated that one person will call the stone floor of an LA metro station his bed, while another person can pick to sleep in one of the six bedrooms in his luxury mansion.

But this is just the way things are, right? The poor will always be among us, so we just can't be bothered with change.  And if we let the rich thrive, then eventually they will decide to hire the guy off the streets, and things will get better. 

It's only a matter of time.